Loser Back Home

"The best part was when I avoided eye contact, like when you try to
get a cat to look at its own reflection in the mirror. I know, sweet, right?"

  Ah, the classic LBH, or ‘Loser Back Home.’ These dudes tend to be from small towns in Alberta or Devon, and somehow end up with naïve Korean girls way outta their league, who regularly tell the guys “Oh, you look like Tom Cruise!” When confronted with another foreigner, these guys tend to react like a kid caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar.

  To be clear, I don’t go out of my way to run up and talk to other foreigners I encounter in Korea. I’ve been back here for over a month, have no foreign friends, and am smugly contented with that situation. Who needs all the petty intrigue and bogus backstab smiles? That being said, I usually give a courtesy nod if eye contact is made. But not this guy.

  As he approached me, he whipped out his phone and started flapping his twat lips in a common-as-muck accent from somewhere in southern England. “Oh yeahhh, I knowww, oi knaaaar. What time? Wot toiiime?”

  Seemed strange, and when they got ten feet past me, the phone was gone, and the girlfriend let out a giggle. I let out a braying imitation of her horse-whinny, and added a squeal of manic amusement for flourish. They turned at that, then sheepishly fled, noses in the air.

   The fake-call incident put a wild hair up my ass for about eight minutes, and then I found a super rare bird, and all was well with the world again. I hope I run into Twat-lips again. I will run up to him and start talking to him, follow him around and beg him to be my friend. What a cunt. I'm gonna start my OWN club, and he won't be allowed in.