Friday, 31 August 2012

Love kissbang hugbang

  There is a new trend in Korea - the 'kissing room'.  This is a charming place where lonely gentlemen go in and pay cash to hug and kiss semi-chaste young ladies.  Seoul - the next level shit.
  Oh Typhoon Bolaven was lame.  So was Typhoon Tembin, which hit two days later.  Lame.

Monday, 27 August 2012

Typhoon Bolaven inbound

  'Betoweled'.  Thought I invented the word, but the internet says no, of course.  Typhoon Bolaven is headed for Korea, it may clip the west coast of Jeju.  Looks like we'll see a lot of wind and rain here, as the thing is a beast, 2,000km wide.  That's what SHE said.  I plan on climbing a mountain tonight and punching the typhoon right in its face.  Blap!
  Oh, I went to Seoul this past weekend with the wife and hung out with Jeppuh and his girlfriend.  Turns out we're all moody drunks, har har.  More on this later.  Maybe.

Friday, 24 August 2012

Signs, random

hot tomato sauce spaghetti that use mud plaster under roof tiles with Halrapinyo

Tick tick!  Took a big ole shit in an elevator today, because hell, there wasn't a sticker warning me not to. It's been rainy as hell lately, but not warm and friendly Jeju rain, which smelled of wholesome earthy oceans and wind-tickled pines.  Rain on Geoje smells like bitter shipbuilders with sour cream n onion pants-asses, who smoke cigarettes sideways with a cocky scowl.

Friday, 17 August 2012

Please don't shit or piss in the elevator

Tinkle, sprinkle, plop
 I live in a country where this sticker is necessary.  Time to go!

Sunday, 12 August 2012

Busan Cat Cafe

My favorite

Psssst!  Killlll meeee.

  Shooting guns and...petting cats.  It was that kinda weekend.  Korea's got it all.  Rollaine and I had to check out a cat cafe in Busan.  You go in, pay your 5$, get a glass of lemonade and the right to play with 30 cats.  It was fun watching bratty little kids get scratched repeatedly by grumpy cats.  The Sphinx cats were kinda gross and cute all at once, and it was pretty awesome to see a dozen or so different breeds.  Catwatching!
  The unfortunate pink-cheeked fluffball reminded me so much of Baby, Cobain's adopted cat on Yose from a year back.  Remember Baby catching cicadas?  Get it!  Geez, lots of Yose reminiscing this weekend.
  This cat whorehouse is great, wonderful even.  Their website, incidentally, is a play on the Korean word for cat (goyangi), and 'Dabang', a kind of modern geisha-house where tarted up middle-aged women sit with liquored up middle-aged men and laugh at their jokes and say 'Oh, you!'
  All Korea needs to do now to impress me is to open up a combination cat/gun cafe.  Cats and guns!  Together at last!  Meowbang!

Shooting guns in Busan

Years of basement plinking finally pay off

Blop blop!

No no, can you please point it more directly at my face?  That's better.
  Guns!  I stumbled across this little shooting club tucked down a grungy little side-street in an area full of seedy hotels (where I stayed the night of course).  We went in, chose guns from a menu, and shot the shit out of some paper.  Rollaine chose the Beretta M92 (Blam!), and I opted for the exotic Czech M61 Scorpion (Pop!).  We both did stunningly well, cuz we're awesome people, all around.  I scored a 96%, while 'the wife' scored an impressive 88% - not bad for her first time popping caps.
  What amazed me about the place was the stunning lack of safety standards displayed by the staff.  There was zero muzzle and trigger discipline on display, and they encouraged us to point the guns at one another to make the posed pictures more badass.  Oh, Korea, sometimes you're fucking awesome, and I mean that.
  Incidentally, a Czech Scorpion was found aboard the Nork mini-sub Cobain and I found in an abandoned museum on Dolsan Island a year ago.  Remember?

Thursday, 9 August 2012

C U, Family Mart

  I've often said that Family Mart was my favourite bar in Korea, and I've always meant it.  Well, no more of that.  Family Mart, a Japanese company (gasp!), has been bought out by CU.  Apparently there are CU stores in North Korea, for whatever that's worth.  What's the difference between the two stores?  Nothing.  It seems like CU ran out of CU signs, because there are hideous half-Family Mart/half-CU chimeras all over town.
  Oh, a few weeks back I was awoken by the sound of drunken Korean women screeching out in the parking lot below my window.  Happens all the time.  The one was trying to prevent the other from driving off.  At one point the driver got out, squatted behind the car, and unleashed a prodigious torrent of urine that  trickled a good 30 feet.  So after that, she got back in and started to drive off.  Her friend kept jumping in front of the car, causing the driver to shudder to a halt.  All of this to the soundtrack of lovely drunken profanity and screeching.  Enough was enough for the race-horse, because after a few false-starts she floored it.  Her friend was thrown onto the hood, and the car tore off around the corner with the poor friend clinging to the windshield wipers, screaming 'AAAAAHHHHHhhhhhhhh....' into the distance.  Never a dull moment in Gohyeon, innit.

WAT-AAH!/Fish-o Sexy Lady Fish Snack

  It's hot and sweaty.  Whoa, it was almost two years ago that Cobain and I went to Cam-Nam.  Hectic, bru.  Cobain's back in Murica, working his balls off.  Real world!  I better have more to say on a regular basis sometime soon.

Shitting on graves

  I saw a man shitting on someone's grave yesterday.  I'm guessing there's a great backstory there.  The creepy thing?  We locked eyes as I walked past, and he looked at me like it wasn't no thang.  Hell, maybe it wasn't.  Seemed rude though.
  What else?  Nothing to rant about lately, Amadeus and I have decided to operate under a new mantra: Hapathy.  In the face of fusillades of mind-numbing bullshit, we shrug and grin like idiots.  It's been working so far.  I'm so laid back these days, you may want to check me for a pulse.

Monday, 6 August 2012

Masses of critters

Golden Orb Weaver

And again

I saved this frog from melting in the sun.  He was zoned out.

Super cool black-winged d-fly

This brute was big.  BIG.

Cicada ('Memi' in Korean)



Swallowtail of some kind

Massive d-fly

Another cricket

A 5-legged mystery

Shiny green beetle
  I've been birding (again) lately.  Lots of juvenile birds trying out their brand new wings.  Pics of them soon.  Where birds go, critters go.  Here are some.
  I've been plotting my next move in life lately, this time with a partner in crime.  Which continent?  Fuck it, time to break out the darts and spin that globe again.
  I watched Piranha 3DD over the weekend in Busan.  It was fucking amazing, best movie of the year.

Thursday, 2 August 2012


  I often stare down at the sticker on the tank of my 1996 Daelim VS and read:

Prima di usare il veicolo, leggete
il manuale di instruzioni.

Haha, thanks, random and bafflingly Italian warning sticker.  Good advice, I promise I will never ever peel you off.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012


Will you be my road wife?  Meow!  Meow.  Meow?
  It looks can't be...but it is!  It's the most awesome thing in the history of the world!  It's a slinky little cute and cute cute grey scamp that was pliable as mush, chilling on my bike seat.  Oh, happy day!  The filthy little rascal.

Soundgarden - Jesus Christ Pose

  This song shuffled in today as I was cowering my way through a crowded Home Plus.  It made me insane, and I moshed and skanked through that piece like it was 1992, fucking everybody up.  Bodies went flying, as did elbows, as I shrieked and rampaged around until I found all of the items on my list and checked out.  Dental floss?  Check.  Shrieeeeeek!  Q-tips?  Check.  Aaaaiiiiieeeeeegh!!  Worcestershire Sauce?  On sale?  Sweet.  Blaaaaaghhhheeeeeek!  V8?  Awesome.  I think I'm gonna invent 'V9' and become a fuckin millionaire.  But yeah, insane song, always a classic.  I liked the early Soundgarden cuz they looked like creepy dirtbags, and the bassist was mental.
  Two awesome things happened to me the other day.  An otter hissed in my face - like right in my face, I could smell its swamp breath.  I was mostly upside-down at the time.  Then I saw a shooting star.  It went 'Ziiiiiing!'  Delightful!