Thursday, 30 September 2010
So I was watching CNN...I know, I know, CNN is the bland voice of the corporations blah blah blah what the fuck ever. Anyways, I know it's a shoddy channel, but I watch it for the news vixens. Kristie Lu Stout has long been my favorite, with her raven tresses, little gangly arms, and the fact that she always looks directly at me and smiles goofily. This was challenged today, when I chanced to watch Anna Coren in action, purring about strife in India. Damn. She kinda outsmiled Kristie Lu, and everything I knew was shaken to the core. I'm lost right now, but I'll let you know how the final battle for my heart goes down. If you recall from last year, I sent KLS a shoebox filled with mummified squirrels, and never heard back from the coy thing. I might have to up my game with Anna. Taking suggestions.
I don't care for lesser primates. Never have. Their bulbous red asses protrude like we give a shit, and they're rude. And freakishly strong. Mandrils, baboons, chimps, gorillas - I don't like any of you.
In other news, I was at the store today buying toilet paper (shit tickets), and Koreans were looking at me with shocked looks on their faces. I think they believe that foreigners shit in each other's mouths and wipe with t-shirts or something. What, I can't buy a platoon pack of tickets without getting the 'Who farted?' look? Fuck.
Another thing, at the airport in Vietnam I spotted some Koreans, as they're everywhere in Asia (dressing the same, sticking together, hiding from the sun, and eating at Korean restaurants every night - way to live the adventure, Koreans). They spotted me back and predictably said "Oh! Waygook saram!", which means "Wow! A foreign person!" I've got a news flash for you: You are in Vietnam, you are Korean, YOU are also a foreign person. I informed them of this in flawless Korean, and they looked at me like I was buying shit tickets. Eat my tits, Korea.
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
Yuck. Who wants to swallow Swallow spit?
Soccer went ok this morn, after I got through the first 10 minutes where all I wanted to do was fuck off home. Gonna bird the shit out of Jeju on the weekend. Spotted some Oriental Honey Buzzards low over the harbor today. Good.
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
I quickly became obsessed with the rat's nest wiring style in Saigon. I would hate to be the guy with the job of trying to find a bad wire. I bet it would drive me to drink the snakewine every night. "Damn wires! Too many! Give me snakewine! Didi maow! Maow!"
This crap had ginseng, snakes, scorpions, and a damn bird in it. A damn bird! I believe it was a Lesser Coucal, judging from the brown wings. It was better than soju, but still pretty bad. I hate the taste of ginseng, coulda used some more bird. The little mini bottles with baby cobras inside are a nice touch. Spot the little box that reads 'Fat of Pythons'? Snake oil.
Went on a lil tour on the coffee Mekong. Why not? By the way, 'Why not?' is a favorite expression for Vietnamese people, and so is 'It's sooo easy!'
Some of the tour was touristy and hokey , but some of it was sweet, like when we took off for an hour on some shitty bikes. We drank copious amounts of Tiger Beer for breakfast, and sweated like whores in churches. We were drunk, because being drunk is fun. The boat ride back into Saigon took us through an area of grim and grungy shanties.
I love saying the word 'Nam'. Yeah, so I just got back from Nam. Nam! Most dogs in Nam seem to have a giant set of swinging bitch-teats, that they enjoy cooling off on the floor. Cool off them bitch-teats! A namnagerie: geckos, fighting cocks, pathetic bees, pissed off water buffalos, and a surprise python that was overly interested first in my beer, then in my 'cash and prizes'.
Five minutes into Deadliest Catch last night, I passed out like I'd been headshot, and slept for 10 hours. Feeling human today. Gonna play soccer in the morning.
Monday, 27 September 2010
Are bright-eyed and witty, a completely different species from their Cambodian counterparts, who I'll rant about later. I bought a few 'fake' books from this book lady. Fake books rule! They're slimmer than the original version thanks to thin paper and a lack of all that crap at the front and back - it's all book.
Cobain and I had a few different playful tactics for dealing with touters. If seated, we would pretend to be asleep. As the urchin would come up to us, we'd mumble under our breaths '3...2...1' and then our heads would simultaneously slump to the side, eyes closed. Most made a sound of disgust and walked off, but one girl ripped out some of Cobain's leg hair in reaction. The other tactic, when approached on foot, was to run off and scream like a ninny in mock horror. Might as well make it interesting for everyone.