Sunday, 28 July 2013

Old friend

While Elsie the Cow turns her back
I was recently reunited briefly with my old Jeju mount of 2.5 years, Ole Whitey.  A lot of memories associated with that bike.  If that back seat could tell tales...

Best burger and fries EVER

   Last week I had the pleasure of visiting my buddy Minho's restaurant down the road in Soesokkak, Stone Cafe.  Each fry was a work of art, fried to perfection - crispy on the outside, dissolving fluff on the inside.  The burger itself was so good there are no words.  I never wanted it to end.  Good grinds.
  I'm hungry.

Moths! Moths!

A rare Pistachio Moth.  Not the moth I book-slaughtered
  I killed a moth yesterday with a copy of Darwin's The Origin of the Species.  Probably not a good idea.  One day, I know I'll be made to repent for that.  In my defence, this wasn't a neat 'nightime' moth.  This was a shitty little 'eats up my clothes and gets in my cereal box' moth.
  In other book murder news, I killed a huge fly with a book the other day, and when I examined my kill I was grossed-out when I saw several maggots writing their way free from Mommy.  Sick.
  It was so hot and humid yesterday that my boobs were sweating.
  I love when Ving Rhames says "I'm pretty fuckin' far from ok."

Wednesday, 24 July 2013


  I'm sleepy.
  Today a song shuffled in and it reminded me of an ex-gf and made me morose, so I skipped it.  Then two songs later a song came up that also reminded me of an ex, and made me angry.  Then I thought, fuck it, I  won't have any more songs left at this rate.  So I skipped back to the original song and took it back, like U2 did.
  Definitely time to sleep.
  Die Antwoord is neat, even if they are a gag.

Jumping off cliffs


  I went to Oedolgae ('Way-dull-gay') last week with DarcVader, and the main swimming hole was overrun with tourists.  So we scrambled round some hectic cliffs to partake in a little cliff diving.  Well, he was proper diving off cliffs from up high, while I was more throwing my flailing self off much lower precipices.  I originally got up onto a much higher cliff with the best intentions of jumping off, but it's amazing how your legs don't follow the orders of your brain when they feel like overriding an errant command is in the best interest of the whole idiot.  So I casually made my way down to a lower crag and jumped.  It still felt like I was falling for about three minutes.  Then I sliced my foot open on a barnacle while getting out and bled like a stuck pig.  I am now a man.  Because before I wasn't, yet.

Signs this week: all kinds of stuff and things and stuff


JumBo Roll Tissue (Jeju stoyelle!)
U.S.A. Spinal Protection System
Armed Communist Guerillas were annihilated

Soggy rules.  Back to the 'beach in morning/eat whatever fills your crap factory most efficiently/t-shirts for pillow cases/leaf in the river' lifestyle.
  In other news, Fela Kuti rocks.

Helping cockroaches on their way to hell

  I caught sight of this little fuckface trying to act all innocent in the stairway on my way up to my apartment.  I came back down packing heat.  As I aimed the can o K-Raid and unleashed a satisfying hiss-burst, two things  happened almost simultaneously.  The automatic sensor light went off, and this brute flung itself off the wall with an loud whirring sound.  With alarming accuracy it flew right at my face, and I think it hissed, too.  I proceeded to do the all familiar crazed stamping dance of the helpless and fled back up the stairs.  I pass its inverted carcass every day in the stairwell and give it the finger while saying 'Fuuuuck you.'  I've never claimed to be noble.
  Creatures hate me:

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Then off to Hamdeok

Choppers and ballers and ewoks

Lantern launch
3rd Line Butterfly - pretty awesome
Jesus Lizard lite
I sure am
Super Curmedgeon and his sidekick Conman discuss the talent
Thennnnn, as I was making my sunburned way back east to Sog, thinking I was going to take er easy and chill, I get a call from a young Jedi asking me if I'd like to posse up and ride north over the mountain to a music festival on Hamdeok Beach.  I thought, 'I'm tired, but THIS...IS...JEJUUUUU!'
  I hit up Home Plus to grab a tent, but the camping section was all out of cheap tents.  So, I hit up the kid's section, and boom, I got a perfectly good tent.  Shut up, it works.
  The ride up was amazeballs, of course.  Have I mentioned that I enjoy the riding of the motorcycles?  So anyway, the musical acts at the festival turned out to be pretty fuckin solid, without a whiff of K-Pop.  Third Line Butterfly in particular mesmerized us drunk lads, their lead singer lady whipping her hair around like a sexy maniac.  The last band was pretty heavy too, like Jesus Lizard lite.
  Sooo, the organizers of this festival decided to install what was essentially a free vodka tap (donations suggested), which in my opinion was a bad idea, especially with so many foreign devils around.  It was this overabundance of the creature that led to something I wish I could unsee.  A portly and tanned bald white guy with a goatee running across the stage naked - twice.  The cops were shocked, but no one wanted to touch this guy, so he got away clean.  Also shocked were the many children in the audience, who I can tell were not prepared to see wobbling male genitalia at this point in their lives, diminutive though it may have been.  I heard the guy panting 'I'm drunnnnk!' triumphantly as he jumped off stage.  Dummy.  We're talking like a ping pong ball and a baby carrot.
  Oh, last story.  I awoke as the sun was coming up to the sound of Iron Man's zipper opening.  A white chick pops her head in.  I may have (or I think I may have but I hope I didn't) mumbled 'There's room,' while patting the ground next to me.  She said something like 'Oh, I thought I was staying in an Iron Man tent.' before vanishing.  I'm fairly certain she was a thief.

West coast ramblez

Caveman GPS
End of the road/useless infrastructure

Near Yongsu Reservoir
Lunch on the reservoir
Back to the old Kamikaze fields and the lovely rebar Zero
Seotal Oreum massacre site
Japanese bunkers (again)
Chasing Sanbangsan...

On Saturday I headed round the west coast on Elsie the Cow, looking for P-snipes and PT-jacs.  Birds, rare.  No such luck, as it's a pretty durn big haystack out there, and my Jeju intel sources have dried up of late.  But it was a badass day to hit Jeju's insanely gorgeous west coast, knees in the breeze.  Nostrils happily filled with the smells of salt water, garlic, and dirt.
  At one fork, I got lost and ended up at the 'Jeju International School', I believe it was called.  A big cluster of outsized and ugly buildings in the middle of literal nowhere.  Creepy was the zombie infrastructure that ringed the place.  Random parks for kids kilometres away from anything - perhaps months old but already overgrown with weeds.  Endless grids of streets with nothing on them, most of them leading absolutely nowhere.  Ah well, I guess we gotta keep those ajosshis working, innit?

Morning (s)

Sweet sweet Halla hovers above me

Cheap ring-stinger brekkie at a blue collar dive
Let's have a closer look, and yes, what a confirmed fucking horror
The rainy season (Jangma) is done and dusted.  Which means I no longer have a lame excuse to sleep all morning and stay up until 4am reading or watching Spartacus or building puzzles or whatever it is that I really do at night.
  This morning was a big morning, a real one, a good one.  I went down to sweet sweet Geolmae (soccer and birds, together at last!) to sweat profusely,  huff and puff, and chase a soccerfootball around in the scorching mid-morning sun.  Good times.  Cobain long gone (currently in Myanmar for some odd reason), and predictably unable to raise a posse of (or indeed a single other) like minded people (or person), I played with my ball alone.  Heh.
  Then I grabbed a ring-stinger brekkie-lunch with my homey who just got out of the army after his two-year stint.  He was up on the border and told me an interesting way to ID high-ranking Nork officers at a distance - the fatter the officer, the higher the rank.  Haha, strewth.
  PS the fish had sick teeth.

Thursday, 11 July 2013