Friday, 25 February 2011

Jay-Z - 99 Problems

In the name of science, I threw my phone in a drawer on Monday, and haven't touched it until today.  I was a bit edgy at first, but I forgot I ever had a phone after a while, and it felt good.  I'm spearheading a Luddite revolution!  To the barricades!  Except, I'm not sure how I'm gonna get the word out.  Twitter and Facebook are out.  To the mimeographs!  I'm gonna blog with woodcarvings from now on!  Fuck it, I'm going north.

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Dead dogs

Look away if you have to.  These meatdogs were stacked in front of one of three dog farms located in the Hanon Crater just west of Sog.  Waiting for the butcher's truck I guess.  I go birding there often, and sometimes I hear a screaming dog being offed.  They put it in a sack and beat it to death over an extended period of time - adrenaline makes the meat more tender.  "I'll have mine with extra beatings please."  Anyhow, I know I'm probably a big hypocrite for getting all female about it, seeing that I eat meat that used to have hooves and wings all the time.  Those critters caught a bolt to the head, or the old neck-twist-off so I could enjoy their delicious flesh after all.  Still though, eating little doggies?  Yellow card, Korea.  I hoped these two were chillin' in the sun, and I stared at them for like two minutes before I saw the eye-flies.  Yucky ewww!

Redneck dogs

Hahahaha.  It's funny cuz of their teeth.

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Les Sexareenos - Everybody Sexareeno

'She left me because she couldn't handle my rock 'n roll lifestyle.' Amit, 1993
My old band used to play shows with the band the bassist was in before these guys.  I puked at the singer's apartment one time when I was 19.  I only made it halfway out the door before I chundered, but no one cared, because it was that kinda of night.  These heathens rocked nations, I saw them destroy a club and everyone in it once, and it was glorious.  Please turn it UP.
P.S. I'm number one!  I'm number one!  And always fucking will be.

Everybody Sexareeno

Girl Give Me Love

Bird bunch

White's Thrush

Pale Thrush

Red-flanked Bluetail

These three well-camouflaged fellas/felletes are only found on Jeju in the winter, and not on the mainland.  That makes them my special little friends.

I often (think that I) have great idea fragments in the middle of the night.  I usually forget them, like the complete dreamsong I wrote and then forgot recently.  It was a #1 top-of-the-charts super-hit.  So lately I've been making an effort to record voice memos on my phone so I don't miss any more nocturnal 'Hey Jude' moments.  Today I listened to some of the memos from last week.  Wow.  I'm sure I can cobble together a decent country song out of these, but overall I was puzzled and underwhelmed by my mumblings.

5:13 am: "Little seed-cracking wizards..."
4:08 am: "Footsmoke!"
2:53 am: "I was hoping for a little, y'know, front page news."
6:01 am: Mumbled whisper song, unintelligible
4:10 am: "Oh I've got mail?  We'll SEE if I've got mail!" (scream-mumbled)
4:35 am: "Hugs n kisses, hits n misses, purrs n hisses..."

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Sonic Youth - Hey Joni

More balls

We got balls til next week, pal!
My team placed 10 spots higher this time around, in spite of all-around mediocre performances.  A full Saturday.  After bowling I got a few hours of birdwatching in at the arboretum, partied with the boys, laughed hard and stupid, dominated arcade basketball with Jeppuh, and ended up eating Family Mart cheese sticks at 4 am.  Been listening to a lot of Sonic Youth these days.  Daydream Nation, best album ever.  I've seen them a few times.  I've always liked the songs sung by Lee Ranaldo over those sung by Thurston Moore.

Friday, 18 February 2011


My foam box'a'goodness came today.  Meat and cheese, yessir, that's what fuckin' time it's at!  Hoagie time!  Yeeee-haw!  I'm number one!  I'm number one!  Merry Christmas to all!

Billy Bragg - A New England

I loved the words you wrote to me
But that was bloody yesterday
I can't survive on what you send
Every time you need a friend.

Thursday, 17 February 2011

The Rolling Stones - Heart of Stone

Comfort, part 2

Festung Kaese
I enjoy cheese.  In fact, I've got a shipment coming in the mail tomorrow.  Seriously.  Look at my 'Cheesehenge' post from way back in Jan '09 if you doubt me.  I enjoy this cheesebox not only because of the goodness that awaits inside, but because of the box itself.  Look at it.  You know it's from Europe.  The dated feel and color scheme, it's über-efficient.  Yodel.  I can just see nordic giants in turtlenecks eating fondue and muslix on the balcony.

Stroll 'round Sog

I recently went for a sneaky Sunday saunter, bird gear in tow, around the yellow-grassed and empty backstreets of Seogwipo.  I do like living in Sog, and I hadn't seen some of these places in a while.  My scooter, I fear, has made me lazy.  Bowling tournament on the weekend.  My clothes aren't drying, so I have the fan aimed at them.  Eastbound and Down is a wicked show.  Nothing else right now.  Plop, splash!


I've gushed about it before, but it's badass.  It's a whole mini-chicken stuffed with rice, ginger, jujube, garlic, and other bits n bobs, drowning in soupy goodness. Winter food.  The sidedishes are grown and fermented in the backyard, and to get to the bathroom you walk past the living room.  The old lady that runs the joint is the bomb.  She scolded me once for putting in salt: "Taste it first!  I know you like more salt, so I already put some more in yours!", she said in Korean.  Ok granny.  Plus she gives us free Insamju, which is ginseng liquor.  Tastes like shit, but it warms the throat.  Free chicken feet are also available on demand, but really, who the hell wants that shit?

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Sweetended Banana Chips

You English good, upgrade my dignity.
Ha, that's gonna be my new pick-up line.  "Uh...hey there.  Yeah, I'm over here in the bushes.  Over here.  So, I couldn't help noticing that you're totally sweetended.  You have a sweet sweet end."  SLAP!

Go Habbies!

An ode in condiments to the annual heartbreakers.

Troubles with Old Whitey

Fuggin' fug

I haven't a face

Look at me, I'm a big stupid white robot!

I'm beginning to suspect that my troublestorm yesterday was some kind of Feb.14th karmic zap.  Ha, I probably deserve it, too.
  So I walked over to get my craptop, and then angrily pushed my fat, curvy white scoot to the scoot place.  She's heavy, is Old Whitey.  Luckily, my scoot decided to crap out at the top of a long hill (again), so I didn't have to push too much, and I push-coasted there in 10 minutes.  They ripped out the ignition and put in a new one (again), and were thoroughly puzzled by my robot antics.
  It's funny, whenever I get work done on my scoot, they put a keychain with the number of the scoot place on my keys.  If they find a keychain from one of their competition, they rip it off and replace it with theirs, while giving me dirty looks.
  I noticed little parts falling off my scoot when they were working on it, and when they re-assembled her, the parts were still laying on the greasy floor.  I scooped them up and put them in my pocket, figuring they may be useful one day.  More dirty looks.
  I have a problem with looking at my phone 6 times in a row to check the time, but the time never registers with me.

Monday, 14 February 2011


I do
...fucking hate computers.  My craptop is down, and the local computer butcher insists he has to wipe the hard drive to fix it.  Great.  Windows Vista is a fucking joke.  Then my scooter died.  The ignition crapped out.  The same one I had replaced a year ago.  Stuff made in Asia is fucking garbage.  Then the armpit of my jacket exploded.  And my neck hurts.  Holy fuck.
  The only thing that would cheer me up today is if Florence Welsh agreed to marry me.  I'm gonna have her children.

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Les Marmottes Aplaties - Détruire

These guys were my favorite band for a few months once.  Their names translates to 'The Squashed Groundhogs'.  I met and chatted with the bassist at their last show.  That means I'm famous, and I'm number one!  I'm number one!

Seoul randoms

Two ivory cherubs
Cobain lives near Ehwa Women's University (apparently the priciest in Korea), and the place has a sweet campus.  There's an impressive Death Star canyon dug into the hill that's actually two massive buildings housing classes and libraries and whatnot.  It's got all kindsa greenovations that probably give it cheap climate-control and lighting bills.  Hippies.  Also some not half-bad woods around the campus, saw 3 different kinds of tits there.  I did.  Later took the boyz to one of my favorite spots in Seoul, the war museum.  It's a solid museum, packed with my favorite of things...dioramas.  I can't get enough of dioramas.  What's not to like?  Fuck it, this year, I'm gonna build my very own diorama.  It will be titled 'The Malaise of Modernity', and everyone who views it will understand that I'm number one!  I'm number one!


Oooh, I'm gonna eat the fuck out of those
Comfort is, in my opinion, Tesco Traditional Scottish All Butter Shortbread Fingers™.  Ohhhhh damn, they're all dry and crumbly and buttery and sweet and domino-looking and just all-around awesome.  That's my endorsement for the month.  Available at a Home Plus (  me P us) near you.
  Sons of Anarchy is a badass show.  Badass.  I'm almost done season 3, and then I'll be lost.  The Slash autobiography isn't nearly as good as the Hendrix biography, but I have learned that Slash is a pretentious prick, and that David Bowie boinked his mom.
  I've made a belated resolution: to try my best to be the biggest asshole possible this year.  I'm number one!  I'm number one!

Confessions of an internet junkie

So somehow my bed worked itself on top of my internet cable over the years, pinching it to death.  It took me about 20 minutes of rabid cursing to find the problem.  I called the internet guy, and he said he could fix it tomorrow.  "Fuck that noise", I told him, and set to work.  I cut out the damaged section and started stripping first the main cable, then unbraiding and stripping both ends of about 10 smaller wires.  I got after the wires, sticking my tongue out as I do when I'm concentrating on something, hacking away.  When I finally got them stripped, I spliced them all together, and balanced the precarious tangle on the edge of my bed.  I checked the craptop, and holy shit, it worked!  Much dancing, singing and giddy self-congratulation ensued.  I really couldn't wait until tomorrow to kill zombies and look at cats that look like Hitler.  I'm number one!  I'm number one!

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Turtle egg

This wondrous Korean iced confection is called a 'turtle egg'.  A 'condom shitting out chocolate turtle shit' would be a more accurate description.  You cut (or bite, if you'd like) the tip off, and within seconds, it starts shrinking and shitting uncontrollably until empty, so you either have to suck on the rubbery thing for 10 minutes, or throw it out.  It doesn't taste half bad though, sorta like a Fudgesicle with a latex aftertaste.  I finished it, don't judge me.

Birding in the yuck/The Germans

Reed Bunting
Did some birding at Shiwa (a surreal wasteland) with a bird buddy when I was up in Seoul.  Took almost 2 bloody hours on the subway (aka shittyway) to get there, then another eternity to find/lie to the rental car dealer.  The yellow dust was shitty.  The birds were all being scared off by shitty paragliders and shitty recreational fishermen.  That's birding though, and it was still cool.  The weather today was shitty.
  Nothing else worth reporting at this moment, just clenching my teeth a lot.


Oh no you dih-ent!

Remember 'I Wanna Sex You Up'?