Thursday, 24 December 2009

It's a garbage cat/Astro Boy kinda Christmas

I guess Astro Boy is standing in for Jesus, while the robot, Japanese cat, and Jeju folk statues are the wise men. I've helped create stranger nativity scenes in the past, populated with dinosaurs and naked Ken dolls. Wasted youth. I gave this garbage cat an impromptu Christmas dinner, she's eating for two. Or 6. Christmas blah blah blah. For those of us who've never been hungry and sleep in a nice warm bed, don't ever complain. That's my Christmas advice from up on the high horse. Happy Christmas.

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

Sexiest Halla

If I were a boy mountain, I'd try to make Halla my girlfriend, or at least fondle her oreums.

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Drool like nobody's watching

This dog is so beyond caring that his drool turned into ice.

Assume the position

Welcome to my blog, 'Animalz' (spot the teat?). I need a vacation, I've been phoning in life these days, zombie. I wanna do something and nothing all at once. 'One day at a time', Old Jerry used to say. My new year's resolution is to ball up shit and push it around with my back legs like a scarab beetle more often.

Sunday, 20 December 2009

Someone kill those pigs

And eat up their flesh. I like their 'grinning stoically' expression. Chin up pigs, I'll see you soon at the old BBQ joint.

Saturday, 19 December 2009

The Shrieking Cow

Not sure why this slanted cow is shrieking, but I bet its cheese tastes awesome. Comical!

Room salons and a habitat

Neat little habitat down the road from my own humble habitat. It's nestled behind one of Seogwipo's many 'room salon'-ridden alleys. Three guesses as to what goes down at such an establishment. Rich indeed.

Friday, 18 December 2009


Phlat Yoyo - that's my new hip-hop alias, replacing my old standbys, 'Rapareeno' and 'Dr. Timmy Picklez'.

When Korea freezes over

'Korea'. Huh. I just noticed that I don't tell people I live in 'Korea' these days, I tell them I live on 'Jeju'. My year on Jeju has been pretty sweet, I've been 200% less angry than I was in my last year up north (I used to hiss at strangers). I think that's partly because here I drive my scoot, so I don't have to be on buses with Koreans. Or play 'pedestrian chicken', for that matter. Or make eye contact with Koreans. Don't get me wrong, I love Anyways, I live on Jeju. And this is my Jeju blog. Consume it.
So it's been cold and it just snowed a ton. I've been driving all week with only the cold to deal with, but on my way home today I managed to almost dump the old scoot. As life also has a habit of doing, the ass-end went a bit sideways. I'm such a wicked-awesome driver though, so of course I recovered, proclaiming hearty and colorful oaths skyward. Not the best 2-wheeling weather, so she's gonna stay in the parking garage until the roads clear up.
Cobain and I took an early-morning road trip up to JC on Wednesday, in search of heaps of McMuffins and a camera doctor. On the Soggy side it was sunny, but halfway up Halla on the 5-16 road, things went pear-shaped in a hurry. Messy and slippery, we saw 2 wrecks on the way down, and that pregnant roller-blade was all over the place. Being wicked-awesome, we made it.
Gonna hibernate a bit this weekend. Hmm, come to think of it, I've been hibernating for 2 months now. Watching TV all night and sleeping in is what angels in heaven get to do. I ramble.
Anyone ever notice that the internet is a boring place?

Tuesday, 15 December 2009


Getting colder (and older) these days. Last winter on Jeju I didn't turn on my floor heating once. This year I have, but only in brief bursts. I'm too manly and tough for heating. Heating is for suckas. My feet are cold, but it ain't no thang.

Sunday, 13 December 2009

Harfang Perdido

Harfang Perdido: Ayuda a calmar la garganta dolorida en Isla de Pascua
Harfang perdu. Crónica de Jeju Whateveriness. Domingo, 6 de diciembre 2009. Ayuda a calmar el dolor de garganta en la Isla de Pascua. "Maestro Garganta - Actualice su dignidad". Publicado por Pat Moll a 06:42. 0 comentarios: Publicar un comentario.

(I enjoy that 'Whateveriness' is untranslatable)

Gratuitous small-town cuteness

Twitching satchel of terror

The horror! A fat bald man in Vietnam rubs his head somewhere. The horror!

I'm on a boat

After the car trouble, junkyard antics, soju factory shenanigans, and ersatz Nork village, the original purpose of the trip, fishing, was a bit anti-climactic. I ended up doing more birding than fishing. The captain was an asshole with a hideous, big red man-o-lantern face, and I quickly tired of touching shrimp. When we were done, we went to a resto and ate the fish. I dunno if they were lazy or what, but I'd never really seen a fish deep fried whole like that, guts and all. Not bad, a bit bony. I enjoyed eating the crispy fins, and I like his little tail bone. I pulled off Nemo's face, and looked at what was left of his face on his body from the outside. Then I looked at the face I had pulled off, from the inside. That doesn't make sense, but if was fun.

Lost in North Korea

Not really, but the soju factory town felt pretty strange and Norky. There were no buildings newer than 40 years old, and everything was beat-down and drab. Plenty of towns like this on the west coast, which rules - if you want to see 'old Korea', spend a few hours in one of these rural backwaters. Old school. No Family Marts here.

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Soju vids

I was hoping little drunk Oompa-loompas would be working in the factory, but no such luck. I wasn't allowed to take videos of the vital process where they put crack into the soju.

Soju factory tomfoolery

The blue wall of soju represents the monthly soju consumption of the average Korean guy.

Soju factory tour

The fine people at the soju factory were cool with us wandering in and nosing around. I could just hear that 70's synthesizer 'How It's Made' music in the background, as we oohed and ahhed at the big machines. I felt a bit bad for the quality control ladies that have to stare at backlit soju all day. They even gave us each a free bottle of soju, life is strange. Lordy lordy lordy.

Car troubles in Strangeland

A bleary car ride out to the west coast for a fishing trip with Cobain +1 this morning quickly turned into an old-fashioned adventure. The pregnant roller-blade Matiz broke down in the middle of the middle of nowhere. Ended up in a small town that time forgot. The mechanics were cool with us taking stupid pictures with the junky cars. Someone messed up that beamer good, rolling into a ditch and filling the sun-roof with ditch-mud. That probably sobered them up fast. The mechanics helpfully suggested that we check out the SOJU FACTORY across the road...

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Ho ho ho, the stuttering pimp.

Here's my little Charlie Brown hovel tree, resting on my mini-fridge. Call me weird, but I enjoy Christmas lights, always have. Not as impressive when compared with my old-fashioned back-home x-mas setup last year(note the bottle-shaped gift). Seems like yesterday, always does. I used to hide behind the tree when I was little and gaze up at it, and look at my wacked Pee-Wee Herman reflection in the bulbs. I also have an early memory of setting up a Sho Kosugi ninja death snare in front of the fireplace in order to catch Santa and have a closer look at him.