Sunday, 31 October 2010

Gross market critters

At the five-day market I came across some sick, sick stuff. Centipedes stacked like cordwood. Giant grubs. Big. The centipedes are ground into powder and consumed in pills or hot drinks (make mine a latte), and the grubs are boiled and popped into your mouth like a marshmallow.

Thursday, 28 October 2010

More helmeticide

Last year my helmet cleaved a stinkbug in half and it emitted a beautiful smell, in a desperate and noble last act. The other day I found a bee poking out of a hole in the back of the 'streamlining' on my helmet. It must have been sucked into the vent dealy in the front, and got half blown out the back. Neat! I remember staring at the grill of my father's van after long road trips, noting the smashed-up bug life with interest.
My Chilean miner's outfit is almost done. All that remains is to craft a Fu Manchu mo out of my stubble. Shoulda thought of it sooner, and let the beard grow in a bit more. Playing mando with a 514 homeslice on guitar tomorrow night at an outdoor concert thing. Radical extreme. I wanna climb Halla at night.

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

On the Cambodian road

This oughta be the last of the CamNam posts. 'Road' is a bit too generous a term for some of what we drove on in Cambodia. Long, juddering, boozy bus rides filled with wailing toddlers and grim roadside toilets. Coke bottles filled with gas for sale. Hawkers trying to get into our bus by any means possible. Dusty and sneaky tuk-tuk rides. Gorgeous, sweaty weather.

My trip back to Jeju was a long and sleepless one. I read the whole Artie Lange autobiography on the first leg (thanks Cobain) - y'oughta read it, it's a gas. The flight from Saigon to Seoul was THE worst flight I've ever been on. There were, no joke, 9 babies on the flight. Nine! And, of course, they were strategically placed all around me, the better to piss me off and make me miserable. The constant gurgling banshee wails made me doubt if I'd survive the flight without committing infanticide.
The babies were 'cared for' by a motley group of what looked like shaky 19 year-old Vietnamese girls who were in turn, cared for by a group of middle-aged Korean men. Hmmmmm. I must have witnessed a slice of the growing trend of Korean men needing to look to impoverished nations for young subservient stay-at-home slavebrides. Korean women have watched far too much 'Sex & the City' to be chained to the kitchen anymore.

Tuesday, 26 October 2010


Fargo is on tv, badass! Hroops!
I'm in need of a bit of mainland mayhem. Wow, it got cold in a hurry. Went looking for a Chilean miner's helmet today, and found one in the best hardware store in the whole entire world.

Monday, 25 October 2010

Only in Korea (OinK)

Soooo, I saw a guy shit today. I was in a park birdwatching, as I'm known to do. I was sitting on a bench zoning out on the river, when I noticed movement off to my left. I slowly looked over, and to my shock and wonderment I saw a guy shitting. He had his gear down, and was shitting in the grass, looking at me with a blank look on his face. Not wanting to exhibit alarm, which I imagined would cause him to run straight towards me at full speed while shitting, I got up slowly, stretched, and calmly walked in the opposite direction.
I've seen this guy before, and I've also seen human feces in this park before. The park, by the way, is equipped with a luxurious washroom at either entrance. The shitter wears a yellow vest with Korean writing all over it. I used to think he was trying to impersonate an official of some kind, but now I suspect the vest reads 'If you find this guy dropping a deuce in public, please call this number and we'll retrieve both him and the shit.'
Oh, I also saw a car flipped over on its side on a back street today. Must have taken some skill to do that. People milled about, seemingly bored. From her hangdog posture, I'd wager that the girl in the white hoodie did it.

Sunday, 24 October 2010


My nose is still a bit sore from getting clocked by a broad last night. It was an accident, but I was still kinda asking for it, har har! I tapped her on the shoulder, then impishly crouched behind her, unseen. Also unseen, by me, was the backwards war-club straight-arm she threw wildly, as a joke. It connected solidly with the sound of meat hitting other meat, and I saw lightning and stars. I flew backwards and landed on my arse in a puddle, blood dripping from my nose. Classic!
Getting my Halloween costume ready. I'm gonna be a Chilean miner. Picked up the jumpsuit today from a real ballbreaking old jumpsuit monger. Then I went to a field where, for the past two years I've seen a heap of disused construction helmets sitting. Of course the field had been recently cleaned up, and the heap was gone. Might have to buy one. Also have to source some cheap Oakley ripoffs.
I was seriously considering being Steve Zissou for a third year, but it's time to retire that costume - no one ever gets it, and I end up having to explain myself all night. Last year's costume, Waldo (Wally), was aiight, but a bit weak.

Pearl Harbor Sucks

Nam Scoots

The scoot situation in Nam reminded me of Taiwan, ever so long ago, in another lifetime. Lotsa scoots. I loves scootin', but one day I'll get me a real bike, and drive it through a bunch of countries. Pearl Harbor is on TV. What a shit movie, for real. If I wasn't so hungover, I'd change the channel. Rainy out. Jesus, it'd be hard for a movie to suck any harder.

Thursday, 21 October 2010

A picture of a bug

I lied.

Spoiled fruit

Mushy, furry. Nothing much to report of late. Nothing to complain about. No pictures of bugs. No clever and mean-spirited observations.

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

I heart SWEAT

Fine. There's a beverage here called 'Pocari Sweat'. What is a Pocari, and why should I want to drink its sweat? It's salty. And cloudy. Bliorg.

The yellow dust, she's back

I was caught by the crap, unawares. Apparently I was driving through it all weekend, and on Monday. Hmmmm, it usually comes in early Spring. Bitch and moan. It gives me an excuse to be lethargic. Nice weather otherwise. Riveting. I'm a curmudgeon.

Monday, 18 October 2010

Oriental Stork

This massive beast hasn't been seen on Jeju for a few years. It even made the evening news here! Rode out early to the secret location with my Korean birding buddy, and it blew me away. Big. Damn. Bird. See it now, before it's gone.

Mission to Udo

Went to Udo (Cow Island) on the weekend, for shits n giggles. Rode out on the scoots in a little pack, heavy metal thunder. Brought the mandolin. I literally had to tune the damn thing more than I played it, what a sack of shit. Made in Korea, by the way. The Koreans are well known for crafting fine mandolins, I'm sure. Good times though. The owner of the place we stayed at kept sneaking out from around corners, playing the saxophone. Creeper. Sounded like he had a dry reed. There was plenty of sand-whipping mayhem, singing, and libation. Did some good birding/mountain and cave exploration in the morning. Yes I did. Hey old timer! Get offa my damn bike! Cripers.

Sunday, 17 October 2010

Temminck's Cormorant

Drying out the old wings. Bi-i-i-i-i-i-rds.

Thursday, 14 October 2010

lugens White Wagtail

I know what you're thinking - isn't that a 'Black-backed Wagtail'? No, friend, your information is a touch old - the Black-backed Wagtail was recently lumped in as a subspecies of the White Wagtail. Glad to help.

Golden Orb Weaver season for real

They're getting real fat and everywhere-ish these days. Heebies. Jeebies.

A big-ass hopper


Magpies not welcome

Jesus Christ! These Jeju farmers don't fuck around with their scarecrows. I came face-to-face with this atrocity, and it gave me the heebie jeebies. Korea is so...never mind.

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

The splendors of Angkor Wat

Oops - I forgot to go.

Sihanoukville = poop

Sihanoukville is a gritty beach town in the southwest of Cambodia. Lots of 60 year old European dudes walking around with 18 year old Cambodian girls. I wasn't a huge fan of the place. Living on Jeju, a land thick with beaches, I've become spoiled. It boils down to relaxation. If I'm on a beach, I want to chillax. Drink a beverage perhaps, read a book. What I don't want is be pestered (literally) every 40 seconds by punk-ass Cambodian kids trying to sell me bracelets. Now now, don't call me a bully or an asshole. I've no problem with people trying to make a living, but when you tell someone 'No thank you' politely 5 times, only to have them keep asking, whining, throwing pebbles, and insulting you - not cool. Touristas that were too 'nice' to tell the kids 'no' or ignore them were swarmed by packs of 10-20 kids for THE WHOLE DAMN DAY. None too relaxing. It got to the point where Cobain and I left the admittedly gorgeous beach and chilled up the hill in a restaurant/bar near our hotel. Our view was a dumpy road, but at least no one fucked with us there. The Cambodian touters need to take tips from their less pushy counterparts elsewhere in Southeast Asia, or no one is gonna come spend money at their little beach. Hey everyone (sorry Cambodian tourism) - go to Thailand or The Philippines if you want to chill on a nice beach. Or even Jeju. Forget about Sihanoukeville.