The Jehova's Witnesses came to my door the other day. Thankfully I was wearing my most demonic Motorhead shirt at the time. Problem solved, boom.
Another problem I cheekily solved recently was 'The case of the howling little t-shirt wearing dog right outside my goddamn window at 6am'. I grabbed my supersoaker (yeah I have a supersoaker on standby, so what?) and pumped it so full of air it was quivering, then waited for that little fucker to run past my window again. "Run past my window again howling at 6am again, mothafucka!", I seethed. Two minutes later, the 'dog' obliged. I led my target and aimed a half foot in front of it, as any good flight-simulator player does, and unloaded 2/3 of the water tank right into that bug-eyed little face. The dog stopped when I did this, squinted, and walked off shakily, looking back at me with a hurt 'Why'd you DO that?' look on its face. I fired off the last third into the dog's stupid t-shirt for good measure as it left. Winning.
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