Ancient scribblings

Saranghayo

  I hate the internet.  In other news,  I recently unearthed one of my old high school agandas.  In it, amongst other drivel, I found these two short stories.  They’re in my archaic scrawl, so I guess I wrote them.  I'm gonna blame The Far Side, Stephen King, and puberty.  Congratulations, 16 year-old me!

A CHRISTMAS STORY

  Little Tommy had been in line for hours, and how he wanted to talk to Santa.  It was finally his turn to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what he wanted for Christmas.  He sat on Santa’s lap and Santa said “How old are you little boy?”

  Tommy said “I’m four years old you fat tub of shit, now give me a candy cane before I rip out your testicles and roast them over an open fire.”

  Tommy’s mom giggled but Santa was shaking because he had run out of candy canes and was thinking what life would be like if he had no testicles.  His thoughts were interrupted as little Tommy spat in his face.       

  “Where’s my candy cane you fucking reject?”

  “I’m afraid I’ve run out little boy.” said Santa.

  “I’m not little, I probably have a larger penis than you do.” Tommy then pulled down his pants and started to swing his genitals around; he was knocking people over with his little nuts of death.

  “Put your pants back on!” said Tommy’s mother.  He put his pants back on but it was too late, Santa had been killed, and his obituary was pretty funny.

UNTITLED

  John was backed into the corner by a gang of ducks.  All was nearly lost when he remembered his 12-gauge shotgun.