Back, way back, like 10 years back, my band jammed in a grungy old jamspace in the village. On our floor, one of the other jam spaces was used by Voivod, a seminal heavy band. I believe that Jason Newsted, one-time bassist for Metallica, was playing with them at the time. So we got to the jam space with a twelver in hand, and, as often happened, one of the other bands that we shared the space with was still in there at ‘our time’, so we gave them 30 minutes and walked down a floor to an abandoned renovation site. We sat on a pile of wood and drank and played cards (we favoured a game called ‘The Overfiend’).
One of the foibles of this building was that the only working toilet was waaay down in the basement. Since the building was regularly filled with degenerate musicians, one could often find piss bottles lying around everywhere, along with heaps of angry notes from a landlord we never saw.
So there we were, playing and drinking, when, from the next room we heard the elevator door open with a clatter, and the voices of two drunk dudes. We heard our jam space-mates still bashing away a floor above us, so these guys must have been Voivoders, as they were the only other band jamming that night. We shut up, feeling guilty about being on the wrong floor. Then we heard the unmistakable sound of zippers being lowered and urine racing across the floor.
At that moment, for some reason, in an angry baritone voice, I screamed “Who the FUCK is PISSING?!” My bandmates were stunned, and we heard the pissers beating a hasty retreat back into the elevator. When we inspected the area later, we saw trails of piss leading into the elevator. I made Voivod pee in their pants. The end.
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