Saturday 17 January 2009

Well-being upgraded


I got my health check done a few days ago. I hate needles, and I swear the doctor was grinning maliciously as he jammed the syringe into me, while I dramatically winced and gritted my teeth. I'm not a huge fan of doctors and hospitals, and I tend to avoid them if at all possible.
When I got a sinus infection from the crappy air up in Gimpo, the quack I went to violated every hole in my head with various cold metal sci-fi probes, before prescribing 6 different drugs for me. Six! I googled them, and it turns out they were all made by the same up and coming Korean pharmaceutical company. Hmmm. When I took them, my face turned red, and big weight-lifter veins bulged from my forehead. When I went back a few days later, he again gleefuly and clumsily face-probed me, then handed me a scrip for 7 drugs. Seven! And get this, most of them were different from the previous batch. I suspect he used some kind of prescription Ipod with a 'shuffle' setting. Stupid.
So my health check states that I don't have the AIDS, and that I don't abuse 'morphine' or methanphetamines. I was certain that the test results would have happy endings, but for some reason I felt a sense of relief at the results. A similar feeling to the strange guilt I feel at airport security checkpoints, and accompanying relief when the metal detector doesn't go off. Even though I'm not in the habit of drug-running, I always feel like Warren Fellows when I'm at airports. "Act normal. Act normal." I always tell myself.
Speaking of airports, in Frankfurt a few weeks ago, I was randomly pulled into a room for extra security checks. I was pretty damn nervous. Maybe it was the jetlag, but more likely it was the creepy German accent and attitude of the clean-cut security prick. I thought it was rubber glove time for sure. When he was done rifling through my stuff, he turned around and looked down at some paperwork, without saying anything. I was still standing there two minutes later, when he turned around and shooed me away, amazed that I was still standing there. Stupid.
Zit update: I popped the beast two days ago, and it was a complete mess.

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