|Stairs are shit.|
|A boring soggy crater awaits.|
|Roe, some deer.|
|Take a breather, deer, you've earned it.|
|I seriously will marry Mt. Halla one day.|
Once, when I was about 9, I puked in my mouth during a fire drill. We were all lined up outside in the schoolyard, I guess watching the school pretend-burn, when my stomach did its flibbidy-flop. I had eaten too many honey-wafer things. Before I knew what the hell was going on, I puked a full puke, inside my mouth. No one noticed. The classes started filing back into the school, but my class was at the far end. I planned on hanging back and getting rid of my foul hitchhiker nonchalantly with no one around. The other classes were moving way too slow. I couldn't hold it anymore, because it was fairly gross. I casually turned my head and put my hand to my mouth, in the way one would when whispering to a friend, and projectile vomited out a jagged, honey-colored puddle about 6 feet away. Wanna hear the insane thing? No one noticed. Actually, I think this one kid in the back noticed. He looked at me with huge moon eyes as we went back in.
Pat Moll factoid: I haven't eaten a muffin since August 2005.